perspective

After a really great High Mini on Sunday my week of Lithe (Wings, High Mini, and Cinch) has been pretty "meh." Yes, I'm still working really hard but I had a personal goal of wearing a bikini on our weekend trip to Florida. That trip is next week and I don't feel ready for that step. I actually don't feel close to ready.

In preparation for the trip I did a little shoppy-shop during my lunch hour. Seriously, WHAT is with the lights in fitting rooms?? Hasn't anyone figured out that if they gave us flattering lighting that we would buy way more?? Sigh. It wasn't a positive experience. Do I expect to be a toothpick? No. I don't even want that. As I've mentioned in previous posts I don't want another body I want the best "me body" I can have. I want to see how great I can look and feel in my own skin. Well, I think I just said it (or typed it)... I want to see how great I can look and feel in my own skin. Somehow I need to figure out how to shed this negative "you have so much work to do until you look great" attitude.

Anne Lamott wrote an essay about body image. She said when she was at her skinniest she STILL thought she was overweight because she never saw herself as beautiful. Her attitude was that of a "big girl" and she could only see herself as such. The essay is really great and I'll try to find and post it. What she points out is that we just have to love ourselves. If you don't think you're beautiful at your current size you won't think you're beautiful at any size--curvy, thin, musculer, in shape or out of shape. We all have our days of doubt. I mean look at this post... it went from "woe is me and my jiggly bits" to "ok let's get it together here." Though I might not be exactly where I want to be - I have to admit that my body is certainly changing. I feel stronger and I need to accept that these things don't happen over night. Sigh. I always said that it would be amazing if we lost a pound just for avoiding the donut. Just for the action of "nope, I'll skip that." BAM! Minus 1 lb. How great would that be?? (Almost as great as amazing lighting in fitting rooms perhaps...)

Tonight I'm headed to Cinch with Carrie. She's bringing along a measuring tape so that my friend LA and I can take our measurements. I took mine when I began but Chris did it and neither of us really knew what we were doing... I think I might talk to Carrie about how I'm feeling. Perhaps she can shed some light.